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Who hasn't ever dreamed of writing a straight-to-video movie for Dolph Lundgren? But it's hard to know where to start, and inspiration isn't always forthcoming. With this menu I hope to get you headed in the right direction. It works a little like a Chinese restaraunt menu, and a little like Mad Libs. Make your choices from each category and column. Fill in the blanks in the written description at the bottom, and... Presto! You've just armed yourself with a ready-made pitch to deliver to some Hollywood big-wig.

First things first. Step One:

Create a title by adding one word from Column A to one word from Column B:

Column A	Column B
The Direct Hidden Last Silent Universal War Master Retrograde Storm Red Maximum Double Fallen Final Dark Deadly	Action Patrol Agenda Trigger Soldier Assassin Minion Kill Cover Defender Scorpion Slags Detention Warrior Agent Sweeper Dragon

You'll need to choose a name for the character Dolph will be playing. Step Two:

Please select a first and last name:

First Name	Last Name
Nick Lance Jack Frank Ivan Lukas Randy Sam	Rockford Decker Devlin Castle Cross Caine Holloway Gannon Gunar Hendricks

Dolph needs a job. No really. So give him one. Step Three:

Pick one from each column, please:

Adjective	Occupation
Former Ex- Toughened Heroic Trained Unorthodox Vigilante High-profile Mysterious Renegade Veteran Down and out	Cop CIA agent KGB agent FBI agent Teacher Air Force Pilot Air Force Captain Assassin Race car driver Mercenary Landmine specialist Olympian Polar scientist U.S. Marshall

Hold on, you're almost done now. You may know who the character is, but you need to know what he'll do. Step Four, choose one from part A and one from part B:

Plot Description A
vows revenge wages one man battle leads rag tag group of misfits avenges the death of his family escapes to freedom sets a clever but bloody trap fights for his life plunges headlong into the underground goes undercover

Plot Description B
destroy a terrorist bioweapon dodge a deadly plague expose widescale corruption in the LAPD rescue an important government official save humanity from deadly bacteria brought back from the future guard the President of the United States confront his fears and protect a supermodel stop aliens from collecting a rare intergalactic drug that can only be gleaned from human brains solve a string of crimes perpetrated by the Yakuza obtain lost treasure from an island in the south seas kill the murderous Yakuza who threaten him take on the forces of evil defeat violent mercenaries who've stolen nuclear missles hunt down a rogue general who's framed him for murder

Well golly! All that's left is to fill in the blanks! Here's the pitch you'll make to describe your vision: Dolph Lundgren stars in "  Step      One   ," as "   Step       Two   ". He's a/an "  Step Three  " who "         Step Four, part A         " in order to "           Step Four, part B           ."